And The Search Goes On.
I have been looking for a job for a year. I’ll admit that while I was looking in the past, I wasn’t necessarily looking as if my life depended on it. I was still disappointed when I didn’t get calls, but it wasn’t soul crushing.
As I enter what is nearly the end of a year of job searching, it has become a very depressing venture. I realized last week that I am, in fact, depressed. It sounds so stupid, but it’s not if you think about it. I know that when people read resumes and choose people that it isn’t personal. I have been the person choosing before. I know exactly what the entire process feels like. I know that many of the people I personally rejected were not right for the job. Some of them, as mean as it sounds, I just didn’t like. I felt a bad vibe after reading the resume and I placed in my “Not Gonna Happen” file. I know that they aren’t rejecting me as a person. They are rejecting a paper representation of my background and skills.
It just feels like they are rejecting me.
I also know that the market is flooded with people looking for jobs. These people have more experience, more education, and do well in phone interviews. These people are having a hard time finding a job too.
I’ve recently begun receiving letters saying “Thank you. You’re completely qualified, but no.” I find this especially frustrating. I appreciate that they are not just letting me linger on forever, but it’s just hard to hear. I know that what it really means is that they have chosen someone else. I just really want them to choose me.
I love being home with Jack. I love seeing him laugh and play at baby time. I love seeing him do new things and try new foods, but I wake up every day and feel the emptiness of having no real purpose.