In about 19 hours I will be throwing the children over my shoulder, strapping them into the car, and heading North. We’re going to visit family in LA. Lower Alabama, that is. We’ll also be in Mississippi for a few days. Due to the fact that Jack is an untamed beast that refuses to be caged, I mean sit in his car seat, for more than two hours without crying to the point that he vomits, I’ll be driving through the night.
I do NOT want to drive through the night. However, it’s the only rational and affordable option.
I plan to achieve this fabulous feat by getting up at a ridiculous hour this morning (which happened several hours and a few cups of coffee ago), taking a sleeping pill, and going to sleep early in the evening. The biggest danger here is that I could be too tired and fall asleep before arriving at our destination.
I’ve only fallen asleep while driving once. It was after I returned from one of these up North trips. Luckily, Cameron was with me and as soon as my head drooped and we started heading for the median he screamed like a little girl. Nobody can sleep through that. I pulled over, got a Monster Energy drink, and continued to my mother’s place where I took a brief nap.
I’ll be using the decaf version of 5 hour energy in addition to getting almost a full nights sleep ahead of time. The trip with take a little over eight hours, but I plan to stop for breakfast to let everyone stretch out and get full. Children have a tendency to go all one track mind on you if you fail to feed them in time. I am not dealing with an hour long chorus of “I’M HUUUUUUUNGRY!” simply because I passed the last damned restaurant for a hundred miles. Been there, done that, and I will never willingly do that again.
Now, you’re saying the solution is simple. Just bring food. Of course I will. I’m no rookie. I pity the fool, I mean the parent, who doesn’t bring snacks on a road trip. Children have a unique adaptation ability that allows them to bond with the snack bag and suddenly hate everything that you brought. (I think children have a +1 to Jackassery.) A child that eats more bananas than a monkey will suddenly swear ON HER OWN LIFE that she’s never eaten bananas and she hates, hates, hates them. Realistically, they’re tired, tired of being in my Hyundai Accent Hatchback, and ready to walk their wiggles out (and so am I.)
Once I get through today, we’ll be fine. I, of course, have not packed for myself or Jack. Max and Annie are set. I need to scrub out Jack’s car seat base because it’s kind of gross. I need to vacuum the car, give myself a pedicure, make a batch of cookies for my mother because she is letting me borrow her GPS, acquire Max and Annie, make dinner for everyone before I fall asleep, find a pair of size 15 men’s flips flops, and make sure all electronic devices are charged to capacity. My husband bought me a multi-device car charger this week, but I like to start ahead of the game.
I should have no problems blogging since I’ll have access to a real computer and I’m bringing my Nook Color with me, but I don’t see myself doing a Blog Talk Radio show. I think there will simply be too much chaos. I know you’re all weeping (with relief.)
Goodbye for now, my internet friends. Wish us well!