>Let’s Talk about Dating. Part II – Person Selection

>In my last post, I gave an outline of how I view the dating process. The first step, and the one we’ll discuss today, is: Select person (or be selected by a person.)

Selecting a person is harder for some people than for others. Some people see a person that is visually appealing and that can be enough to warrant asking a person on a date. Some people need to actually speak to a person to become interested.

In the first case, everyone has things they like. We have men who like butts or boobs. We have women who like butts or swear the first thing they notice are eyes. Personally, I am a hand person. I cannot date a person with the wrong kind of hands. What kind are the right kind? Um… the right kind. There isn’t any one thing about the hands. They just have to be right. I have to be able to envision the hands touching me and not feel gross about it. I know it’s wrong. There are so many more things to a person than hands, but they have to be right. The only clear sign I have of bad hands are the hands of nail biters. I don’t mind a little nail biting or even nail peeling, but nails that are bitten down into the quick are just not acceptable.

Now that we know that I am a freak, I mean, that I like hands we move on to the next step. The acquisition of the date. This generally requires person A to have a dialogue with person B. Here is a general idea of how this has worked in my case:

Person A: Greeting
Person B: Return greeting
Person A: Small talk
Person B: Small talk (laughing at jokes is also acceptable.)
Person A: Exhibit, explain, or imply attraction.
Person B: Reciprocate or Reject.
Person A: If attraction is mutual suggest a meeting at a future date. (If rejected move on and continue the hunt.)
Person B: Accept or Reject.
Person A: If the future meeting is accepted exchange information (phone numbers are best, but email works too.) If the future meeting is rejected attempt to exchange information anyway. Express gratitude.

The above is only for finding a person in person, obviously. Internet dating looks something like this:

Person A: View profiles until you find someone that you could potentially achieve your relationship goals with. Wink, give roses to, or message said person.
Person B: Ignore, respond, wink, or give roses back.
Person A: Send a message saying “What do you like to do for fun?” THIS IS MANDATORY!
Person B: Respond leaving out the weird crap or ignore.
Person A: Comment on whatever it is they like to do for fun. Include one emoticon minimum.
Person B: Respond to the response or ignore.
Person A: Suggest meeting in real life.
Person B: Approve or reject.

Now that we have figured out how selecting a person works we will attempt to explore being selected. Don’t worry, I’ll be brief(ish.)

I would say that the best way to get a person to select you is to gently convince the other person that they are attracted to you and that they want to ask you out. This is not always a planned event, though it certainly has been planned in the past. Conveying interest is a way to ease the concerns of the other party should they be interested in you. They will be more confident in asking you on a date because you have implied interest first.

Next time, we will explore Attempting to have intelligent conversation. I can hardly wait.

 

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About Courtney

32 and divorced. I have three children and I'm working my way through everything.

Posted on December 7, 2009, in Dates, Dating, Online Dating, Romance, What is happening with me. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. >I guess commenting any further is pointless…

  2. >James, I will email you today. I don't want to comment something like that.

  3. >i promise you anonymous (apparently you are sexist according to fox news but well done with the hacking palin site ~.^) dood, when you had to ask, thats when it happened…Court, epic win!p.s. i dont have other accts and cant be asked to have one, so im anonymous too!!!

  4. >@Anonymous (#2) I can send you a google wave invite. Do you feel special?

  5. >Can I write a response column? I'd like to talk about what dating Courtney is like from the other side.

  6. >Hand Jive, Hand Jive. Do that crazy hand Jive. Courtney, Courtney, Courtney Do you require your dates to have mani buffed nails?

  7. >@Ross – Write it up and the editor will decide.@Nail biter – I have no requirements, really. I don't believe I have ever dated a man with a manicure.

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